Lies are a funny thing. I have always carried pride in the fact that I could not lie to save my life. Take a second to read that again; and realize it is in past tense. I have found myself gaining a horrible trait. I have found myself becoming something I have always resented. I feel the same retching pain in my gut that I have come to experience in the more recent years of my life. I guess I have been in this morph for that long. It started with me lying to myself, which is pretty insidious.
Its bringing itself back, the feeling. I have a tight stomach, food doesn't taste good, and its a sense of guilt. The self-realization of that is a shock like cold water on an even colder day. When your foundation of morals are attacked (by none other than yourself) where do you go? Morality is a beautiful compass; you never have to wonder where you travel. So now I'm standing on unfamiliar territory...
I have been on this path now for 2 years, and sometimes its better than others. The stress mounts, and I find myself in a similar predicament to Atlas. How much weight can someone carry before your knees break? It accumulates, and it doesn't disappear. When you find yourself in these situations, its the simple things that ruin you. You forget to lock the door, feed the cat, eat, sometimes its even hard to breathe. Its the pre-occupation of your mind, you forget who you are.
This may sound like a simple hurdle to overcome, but there are different sevarities in lies. When you lie to yourself, and others..... Secrets... ha...... You find yourself in a odd place.