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Do you make the jump?
While I was eating at the table, I found myself thinking about you... Not because I miss you, I just bit into something foreign and distasteful... Im sure it was just a coincidence.  Food just doesn't taste the same anymore...

     So its pouring in Los Angeles? I guess we have cried that many tears together and it hurts enough to let go, but sometimes I feel like holding on and while that seems contradictory, I would like to propose the idea of you standing on the edge of a building, the cold wind ripping at your face.. Do you make the jump?  Or do you hold on? I have heard that biologically, your body produces so much adrenaline that it feels like hours until you smack the pavement..  This is all of course metaphorical and I find myself standing at that metaphorical ledge asking myself this question.  Should I jump?  Once its done there is no more of a chance for you and I.  I have this fear that once I commit to it, it will be to late and I will be left to my own fate.  I guess there is no other choice really but to commit but I guess that was your problem in the first place..

    So months later here I stand, but I ask myself that question everyday.. Should I jump today?  Theres a mask that Ive been wearing for so long that I am not sure which one is really my face. I have to touch things to make sure they are real so everything non tangible is in question, Is it real?  Trust, Relationships, & love are floating question marks,  and Im sure I am not the only one, but Im thinking this time is different, it could work out.  And I dont know who Naive is, but she keeps tying my shoelaces and I keep falling flat on my face.  So I try to work on who I am, not who I think I am; and that takes some serious thought...  

     Im praying for a sunny day to take me to a better time, where this is all behind me.   I will chase the sunset until I fall under a starlit sky.    While my thoughts are sporadic, it all makes sense to me, its just getting it on paper, because my unclear thoughts clutter the page as they swan dive from my brain to this paper. 



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